没有你的第六十八天

suddenly thought of "innocence" just as im blogging.
chatted with bro just now.
you see, he failed his modules,
like seriously.
very badly.
so afraid for him,
& i stumble upon my own fate too.
i kept thinking of alvls,
my phys, my maths, my econs, my lit, my gp.
my As and Bs.
i dont want to disappoint any tutors that taught me so hard.
and i dont want to fail my parents,
cause they do too, place high hope on me.
pinning all their hope on me.
perpetually,
losing faith in myself too.
there's nothing backing me.
when there's a problem,
i thought of you.
but i cant seek you.
zzz.
i shouldnt even think of you now.
shags.
this isnt the life, is it?
m i better off elsewhere?
i cried at every presence of setting,
listening to the saddest song,
in the night,
& every breathe that i took.
no, but i shouldnt even think of you.
there's only me in the first place.
one-sided.