why dint the thought of repeating dawn on me before?
am i too laid-back? friend was there fretting over this yesterday,&i couldnt help much
except shooing her to bed. but the thought dint strike me, until yesterday.

i wanna get me a fourskin slipper.
but i dont know where are the fourskin shops situated except the one in heeren.
sigh. i got loads of things in my list, the terrible part is i cant buy them all now.
the fourth earhole is swelling still, since may.
2mths already, it still bleed now and then if the earstick runs out of place.
sometimes i ask myself why i had so much piercing in the first place,
why i even thought of smoking,tattoo-ing etc etc.
i know i lost myself for awhile. i know. i dont know if i will try those after alvls,
but having four piercing for me is outright abnormal.
say me immature, say me rebellious. but it just relinquishes me.
the derived joy,growing self-esteem for awhile, or even the happiness that may just wear off
the next second. it doesnt matter. it freed me.
i dont know why i feel this way. i know its not being...
the obedient child in everyone's eyes. not the typical child that one should behave as.
but at least im educated.
not the typical straying kind of juvenile delinquent on the street.
definitely not someone you can name tom,dick or harry.
well, like any other child, i imagine myself as children growing up in my friends' families.
where their mums & dads allow you to do anything except those really illegal stuffs like murder/arson,
well i did imagine myself in those families.
growing in absolute freedom, anarchy.
but come to think abt it again, i dont appreciate being pregnant at the age of eighteen,
with just an olvl cert that qualifies you to an ITE & your husband is qualified for one too but dint
even bother to study in, not being financially secured, losing all contacts with friends,even the closest ones.
& most importantly, you're independent from family rapport&support.
well, at least it doesnt sound appealing to me right now.
but home, where its suppose to provide the warmth for the children arent felt so in mine.
perhaps im alittle immature or insensitive to feel the warmth or heat you call it anyway.
i guess my sensory cells are dead once i stop infront of my doorstep.
i hate going home.
i do.

doesnt it seems that typing on a white screen and pen-ing down your feelings is a bit,
silly? ha ha.

im reminded of your presence by others, when you're not even in my sight the first place.