i really couldnt take this anymore. i need a getaway soon. i need to fly. i need to leave. i need myself back again. and for whatever that means, i need it utmost now. why did i let myself wild? why did i allow myself to plunged in head over heels even before i figure it out? why did i grip on to things so tightly? why did i had myself lost during all these time? how did i eventually walked out from it? how did i claim to be alright when all the while i knew im not? what was happening to me when everything happens? was i blinded? was i ever clouded? was i ever sober? was i ever drugged? was i ever rational? or was i just playing all along? was i ever serious? was it ever grave? was it ever clear? was it ever true? was it hypothetical? was it imagination? was it synthetic? was it ever important? am i a fool? am i a joke? am i a clown? am i just a puppet? am i dictatable? am i manipulated? am i just for show? am i always unbearable? am i stubborn? am i just substitutional? am i ever yours?

or do i even exist?