i think im really not a girlfriend-material-type of person.
i kind of had the hunch at every single one everytime.
its just that kind of unconscious thinking that takes over unknowingly.
i do not know.
its not disturbing, but i just cant set out to perfect it.
its like a hurdle, a border.
i cant see over it.
its just me.

there's a barrier to the way i see a rs now.
or maybe as always.
losing faith is bad enough.
but not able to regain it is worse.

now i understand why people choose freedom over headaches or even heartaches.
though we all know its inherent to yearn for.
its kind of time to let this notion and mindset go.
we could all do without.
i could too.

sometimes i smile at myself.
for being free-will and free-spirited.
for being loved and showered with love.
for being me this moment.

very relieved.
really relieved.

i dont know whether i would be able to love again in future.
or if i would accept any.
all of these, i do not know.
i hate to have flings because im not like that.
im not the sort who enjoy responsible-free relations with people.
im sure i love obligations with people.
at least the basic kinds.

maybe i would plan to get out of sg this december.
maybe alone, maybe accompanied.
i will.

i will search for a new me.
or just the real me.

P/S. in time to come, i may not know.