its good to be back at home

I cant pass me.
im really sorry everything in bkk had to become like this.

I wasnt really happy.
we quarreled everyday there.
thinking back now I still feel the pinch and pain. I made everyone looked bad, put them in the most bad light and
myself too.
most of all, Im guilty of making him look bad.
making us look bad. why am I still like this?
how can I ever face them or even face myself?

I feel like replaying 20july again.
I wish I had the ability to turn back time.
I really feel utter guilty.

I cannot change.
why?

I feel so scared of what im capable of.